Leadership, Without the Manual: Stop Managing Everyone the Way You Wanted to Be Managed

“When I was your age...” may be the most dangerous opening line in management.

It usually comes from a good place.

You've been through difficult projects. You've worked for demanding bosses. You've learnt to navigate office politics, manage deadlines and survive the occasional organisational circus.

You want your team to benefit from that experience. So you manage them the way you wish someone had managed you. You give them independence because you hated being micromanaged. Or you give them detailed instructions because you hated being left to figure everything out.

You praise publicly because you liked recognition. Or you offer private feedback because public praise made you uncomfortable.

And then you wonder why the same approach works beautifully for one person and falls flat with another.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: your preferred management style is not a universal operating system.

Leena Nair, Chanel's global CEO and former Unilever HR leader, has spoken about empathy, role-modelling and the importance of leaders consistently living the behaviours they expect from others. Her experience is a useful reminder that culture is shaped by everyday leadership, not just statements on a wall. Source: Stanford Graduate School of Business.

But empathy also means recognising that people aren't interchangeable.

One employee wants a challenging assignment and room to experiment. Another needs clearer expectations before they feel confident taking ownership.

One person wants direct feedback immediately.

Another needs a little time to process it.

A Gen X professional may value autonomy built on years of experience. A Gen Z colleague may also value autonomy, but want more frequent feedback while building confidence. Neither preference belongs exclusively to a generation.

Here's an alternative to the annual performance conversation.

Ask each team member three questions:

• What kind of work brings out your best?

• What makes it harder for you to do good work?

• What would you like to be trusted with next?

Then use their answers. Not as promises that everyone gets exactly what they want, but as information that helps you lead intelligently.

Think of a team like a car's instrument panel. The indicators serve different purposes. You wouldn't ignore the fuel gauge because you prefer looking at the speedometer.

So why manage every person using the same indicator?

Fair leadership doesn't mean treating everyone identically.

It means giving people the clarity, support and accountability they need to contribute well.

If you're a leader who wants to get better at understanding people and developing talent, book a free, no-obligation consultation here.

Let's talk!